goodfuckingcoffee:

packs 2 hours before leaving for a trip

unpacks 3 months after coming home

thelunaticyouarelookingfor:

sernacht:

So, I was in the car today and saw someone with the license plate “X0DUS3 5”, so I thought it was like Exodus 3:5 and I looked it up, and do you know what it said?

"Do not come any closer."

Now that’s a well done biblical license plate.

house-of-gnar:

bootyscientist:

nice boobs and nice ass isn’t a requirement from my girl. like i ain’t gon turn down a shawty wit a perfect personality and a beautiful face cause she don’t got no body. body is icing on the cake but pound cake ain’t got no icing and i fuck wit that heavy. 

this touches my soul

rhydonmyhardon:

being told you’re appreciated is one of the simplest yet incredibly uplifting things you can ever hear

watsonly:

soudas:

can you even sue the president like what if you tried to sue obama and you just got a letter back saying “no” and he came to your house and did the worm

why is it i don’t find text posts like this strange anymore

bikinipowerbottom:

killed the whole game tbh
Anonymous asked:
Would you count sex as cardio though?

thunderupton:

I’d count it as a miracle to be honest